When someone hurts us, we react by avoiding that source of pain in the future. Just like hitting our finger with the hammer, we try not to repeat that mistake, it hurts too much. Sometimes the hammer is a loved one, so we can’t just lay the hammer down and walk away, or at least we shouldn’t be able to do so. Yet, it happens over and over and over again.
Divorce is a terrible thing for the children to witness. When they have to reap the step-parent’s efforts to negatively control the interaction of the children with their re-married parent, it leaves life-long scars. My children went through this with their step-dad. They have their own stories to tell.
I have been very fortunate with the love and loyalty of my children with my divorces and remarriages. In all of the confusion and hurt that I have caused my children, they have never turned their back on their dad. I could never have gone through all the tough periods of my life without the support, love and interaction of my daughter, and two sons. They mean the world to me, and I can’t imagine disowning them, let alone them me.
When a parent ‘chooses’ her/his new spouse over their own flesh and blood offspring, the pain has to be so intense and so deep, that it lacks anything to compare it to, nor any words to describe the anguish.
Isaiah 49:15 asks the question, “Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.”
God says that mom and dad may forget, but He will never forget those who are rejected and left without love. He may not always approve of our ways, but He will never quit loving us.
The Bible has many things to say about children and parents. The following are a few scriptures on the subject.
Genesis 18:19 “For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Isaiah 54:13 “All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children.”
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children—”
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Isaiah 38:19 “The living, the living, he thanks you, as I do this day; the father makes known to the children your faithfulness.”
Matthew 7:12 ”So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
2 Timothy 1:5 “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”
2 Timothy 3:14-15 “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”
Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
Proverbs 23:13-14 “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.”
Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother”
Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”
Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Psalm 113:9 “He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.Praise the LORD!”
Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
Psalm 139:13-16 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
John 16:21 “When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.”
James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
Billy Graham, my hero, has this to say about the child.
“A child needs both to be hugged and unhugged. The hug lets her know she is valuable. The unhug lets her know that she is viable. If you’re always shoving your child away, they will cling to you for love. If you’re always holding them closer, they will cling to you for fear.”
We are all human and as humans we all make wrong choices. All choices have consequences for ourselves and for our loved ones. Our pain is real and needs medicated. We have to be very careful while applying the iodine that it does not get into our children’s eyes, affecting their perception about themselves and others for life.
How many sons and daughters and moms and dads are out there nursing their wounds because we forgot to be mindful of our legacy? They need our prayers and love.
Father, you taught us that we would receive forgiveness by forgiving those who trespass against us. I ask that you would allow your love to reach down around the globe and whisper softly to each hurting heart, your unconditional love. Help them to open their hearts as they open their mouth in stating to you and to themselves and if possible to those who have harmed them, forgiveness. I forgive ________ who has hurt me. I ask you to forgive ______ for hurting me. Give both of us your divine healing for the pain that only you can understand. In Jesus Name we thank you. Amen.